What's in a Name?

With her hair washed and curls exposed, Emerson looks like herself.  She is acting more like herself , too.  As we speak, Pat, one of her many amazing nurses, is repositioning her and she is trying to talk away.  It appears she is often trying to eat the tube in her mouth or tell people off.  Either one is a good sign, to me, because our Emmy loves to talk and eat.

She is a strong little girl.  She did well throughout the night and continues to breath ABOVE her ventilator!  These behaviors- moving when the doctors say it might be hard for her to move, trying to open her eyes, breathing above the ventalator, producing over 50% more urine output than doctors have asked- make me so proud of her; I feel like she is living up to her name. 

Parents spend months and months deciding on the perfect name for their unborn child.  We place so much emphasis on it, believing that maybe it has some influence on the person s/he will become.  Most people focus on and ask about Emerson's first name.  Yes, in an indirect way, she was named after Ralph Waldo Emerson; however, we did not intend to name her after an ugly dead guy- have you SEEN his picture?!  Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote one of my favorite essays, "Self-Reliance," and because I have always found this an important quality to have, and because we thought it weird to name her Self Reliance, we did the next best thing and named her after the author, hoping that she would one day embody and embrace many of its most important ideas:  "To be great is to be misunderstood;" "What I must do is all that concerns me, not what people think;" "Trust thyself; every heart vibrates to that iron string;" "Insist on yourself; never imitate;" "To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men,--that is genius."  What I have seen most in Emmy's life so far also comes from this essay: "Infancy conforms to nobody; all conform to it." 

No one really asks much about or discusses Emmy's middle name sake though- I know, that is probably not even a real term, but I have been living on espresso in a hospital for two weeks, I am surprised I can even type.  She was named Kathleen after my sister, who not only hypostatizes most of the qualities celebrated in "Self-Reliance," but who also personifies wit and selflessness and intelligence. Here is a great coincidence, though, and another reason that we gave her the middle name Kathleen:  we have never met a Kathleen we have not been impressed with or inspired by.  First, there is the person my sister was named after, my Aunt Kathleen.  Like my sister, she is one of the funniest, most generous people on the planet.  She has been there to support, to cheer up, and to take care of every member of my mom's huge family when they need it.  Perhaps my sister gets some of her same great qualities from her namesake.  Then there's our friend Kathleen Huron. The moment we met her, we were impressed by her, and she has many of the qualities I hope our Emerson will have:  a love of the outdoors, strength and humor, warmth and friendliness.  And finally, we were excited to discover that one of our favorite doctors who has treated Emerson, Dr. Webster, is a Kathleen.  One week ago, Emerson turned a corner, and ever since then she has shown improvement every single day.  This all started when Dr. Webster was her doctor.  Don't get me wrong, there are other great doctors, one to whom we will be forever indebted for saving her life, but Dr. Webster changed the course of this illness in our eyes.  She is calm and personable and to say she is intelligent is an understatement.  She challenges Emerson and gives her goals that Emerson has yet failed to live up to.  She comes to visit Emmy and gives her daily goals, even when she is not assigned to her, and generally shows us that she cares.  I think it is an amazing coincidence that Emerson was blessed with this doctor.  She has been tremendously lucky to have two amazing Kathleens in the room with her almost daily. 

My sister had to leave yesterday.  It was a very hard day for everyone, but we would not be where we are today, we would not feel as optimistic, and we would not feel as strong were it not for her presence.  She is a happy reminder of Emerson's middle name and all that we hope for her someday. 

Thank you for tolerating my random essay.  It is just something I have been thinking about.  Caffeine is wearing off and rounds are starting...