Today, we give thanks

Time is torturous.  I would be lying if I said it does not torment me to think, on the two month anniversary of Emerson’s illness, of the moments leading up to her hospitalization.  I would be lying if I said I am not equally plagued by the future pestering me with insecurities and uncertainties.  I have truly been forced- often against my will- to focus on and live only in the present.  Yet, this is what I preach to students, and myself, each year when I teach the essays that inspired me so much that I named Emerson after their author.  In “Self Reliance,” Emerson writes: Man postpones or remembers; he does not live in the present, but with reverted eye laments the past, or, heedless of the riches that surround him, stands on tiptoe to foresee the future. He cannot be happy and strong until he too lives with nature in the present, above time. Essentially, he is preaching at us to live in the present.  If we constantly reflect on the past, it will consume us, leaving us paralyzed or in a rut.  If we worry about or dream of the future, we will never be satisfied, never happy.  Knowing this, I have had to fight the urge, especially on days like tomorrow, to dwell on what has happened or on what will happen and once again focus on and live only in the PRESENT.  The PRESENT, of course, is Thanksgiving.  And there is much to be thankful for this year.

In this moment, I am grateful for:

-Emerson’s life.

- Emerson’s progress and recovery.

-  Family.  For my in-laws who are always available and supportive and who were able to watch Emerson most of last weekend so that Brian and I could be with my family during my grandpa’s services.  They are so generous with their time and so loving with Emmy.  For Katy and Steve who have given us a home when ours was too empty to feel like one.  For my parents and siblings who have provided us with love and support that kept me going, and tonight most of my family were able to provide and share a huge Thanksgiving meal here with us.  Neither Brian nor I could have survived this without our families’ support.

- My extended family- aunts, uncles, cousins etc.  They supported Brian, Emmy and me but also my parents and siblings when things were toughest- coming to the hospital with food and hugs and prayers when this first happened, and showing up with food and support even when we told them to stay home.  I am so lucky to have such a huge, wonderful family.

-  The Loyola PICU nurses, doctors and support staff.  Emerson would not be here today without them.  Their work on and care for Emmy saved her, but their hope and faith in her recovery saved us all.

-  Our friends.  I wish I could express thanks to each one for the texts, the emails, the food, the gifts, the phone calls, the visits, the help at our house and our jobs... it goes on and on.   Words are not enough to express how lucky we feel to have you in our lives.

-  Emerson’s nurses, doctors and therapists at Marionjoy.  Each day, you get us closer and closer to seeing the girl we lost two months ago.

-  My students.  Your emails and fundraising efforts leave me speechless.  I could not feel prouder or luckier to teach such amazing kids.

-  Second chances.  I cannot wait to go home with Emerson and live life again.  This experience has changed us so much, and just like Emerson got a second chance, I feel like Brian and I also have a second chance to do things differently, to do them better, to live life fuller. 

- Everyone reading this blog.  Your interest in and support of our daughter and family sometimes leave  me feeling like the luckiest person in the world despite our circumstances.  Your emails often leave us in tears.

Speaking of emails… as I read some tonight, I was reminded of this Emerson quote: “Every sweet has its sour; every evil its good.”  This is from an essay called “Friendship,” and could not carry more meaning than now.  Most people try to look for the good in something bad, and there is so much good to find in all of the bad of Emerson’s situation, but what I am reminded of when I read the emails is the way that Emerson has reminded people of how lucky they are, how fortunate we are to have our families and to have each other.  I was brought to tears by the number of people who have told me about hugging their kids a little longer, telling family members how much they love them a bit more often, and finding joy in what used to be the doldrums of daily life.  Your emails and support are so much a part of that “sweet in our sour” and we are so grateful to all of you.